2025 is at its end. I knew it would happen, and happen too quickly. yet it happened quicker. 366 days ago, I couldn’t have fathomed that I’d be sitting here, writing here, writing this.
This year I set goals, I worked hard, I achieved some of my goals, and fell short of others. I learned a lot. I learned about derivatives, integrals, series and sequences. I studied Java and learned about AP Computer Science. I learned how to be a better teacher and content creator. I learned how to communicate more effectively with my nascent AI overlord. These have been valuable, hard earned lessons. But, in the grander scheme of my eyelash flutter in existence, those lessons are files in a cabinet. There is really ONE lesson from 2025…
I woke up this morning in my new apartment in Surabaya. I took my cold shower, made my coffee, and sat briefly looking over the blue pale of dawn stretching west over the city. I sipped my coffee, began my morning journal, and cried a little.
This year I fell in love. And I then lost the love. I’ve been a lone wolf my whole life. I’ve felt lonely for so long, it almost felt normal. I’d come to expect it would just be that way.
Then I saw her, standing but bouncing, in big, bright, nerdy glasses, smiling something incredible-joyful-radiant. In hindsight, I was smitten in 30 minutes, in that space outside of time, in talking and admiration. Sitting with her hand in mine, watching a movie, I was an innocent child, giddy with anticipation. When she wasn’t around, I thought of her, hoping I’d not have to wait much longer to have her around again.
This went on briefly, but it was a universe unto itself in my existence. I don’t know what she felt, but I felt immersed in IT.
I messed it up, somehow. I didn’t seize the moment. I didn’t treat it with care. I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t….
If the point of this here is to aspire to excellence, then surely this experience is the most important. Now I know, albeit too late. I let it go, because there is nothing in my clenched hands anymore. And so this morning I cried a little, as I do every now an then thinking upon the passing of time, because 2025 really was only the smile and touch behind the big, nerdy glasses. If the point of this here is to aspire to excellence, then what does this mean? The best I can come up with is:
- The lesson learned
- The change to be moving forward in my eyelash flutter
The lesson: Prioritize love.
The change to be: Act lovingly.
I don’t believe I’ll ever have the chance to get this woman back. While I very much long to be held near and have her feel about me like I do her, what I want most is to love. And so, moving forward, I intend to love more. How do I love more? Loving – I will be more present in seeing the being in others and treating them with kindness and intention. Loving – I will love the opportunity to be here by appreciating – by taking the time among the waterfalls, trees, and birds, loving that fleeting chance to be here. Loving – for giving what I’ve got when I can, to love.
Despite the sadness that comes with it, I’m thankful to this woman for sharing this lesson.
In 2026 I’ll continue studying math (Linear Algebra, here we come). I’ll continue pushing at my business (time to sell). I’ll exercise, eat well, get to bed early and rise early, meditate, pray. And I’ll put that all to the side the next time life smiles at me through some big, goofy glasses – I’ll see you, and will make love my priority.
Happy New Year.